


A Different Orbit

by Lunatik_Pandora



Series: A Different Orbit [9]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Sex, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Multi, Musical References, Playlist, Song Lyrics, Yes I soundtracked my own fics don't judge me, soundtrack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:00:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 9,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25209607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunatik_Pandora/pseuds/Lunatik_Pandora
Summary: A curated playlist of songs that are referenced in A Different Orbit, either in chapter titles or in the body of the story, presented in chronological order, and including parts of the story that are not yet posted (or will only be indirectly referenced.)This will be consistently updated as I continue writing, and adding more songs to the playlist.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin/James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks
Series: A Different Orbit [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1632550
Kudos: 6





	1. When the Moon Rises To Meet The Stars - Sunlight

**Author's Note:**

> In an ideal world, I'd just link you guys the Spotify playlist I created, but my actual name is linked to the account so I'm a little squicky about that, considering. Sorry. :(
> 
> Plus side is I couldn't actually find a good version of Ar Hyd Y Nos on Spotify, and this also gives me access to more live versions of the songs (which in the case of Pearl Jam in particular makes a huuuuge difference.) I'll be including a line in every work from either the notes or the chapter itself to give a hint as to where my head was at while I was writing.
> 
> All the lyrics are obviously not my own; I'll be linking/crediting everything accordingly.
> 
> Edit: I'm currently unsure if that's actually a thing I am actually permitted to do on here, so I may need to just knock it down to just a particularly meaningful verse? Or nix entirely? Will revisit.

Song: "Sunlight"  
Artist: Hozier  
Video link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PELeEo33JXs

_"The last thing Remus would know before the moon rose is that Sirius Black tasted like sunlight."_

Lyrics:

I would shun the light, share in evening's cool and quiet  
Who would trade that hum of night  
For sunlight, sunlight, sunlight  
But whose heart would not take flight?  
Betray the moon as acolyte  
On first and fierce affirming sight  
Of sunlight, sunlight, sunlight

I had been lost to you, sunlight  
And flew like a moth to you, sunlight, oh, sunlight  
Oh, your love is sunlight  
Oh, your love is sunlight, oh  
But it is sunlight

All the tales the same  
Told before and told again  
A soul that’s born in cold and rain  
Knows sunlight, sunlight, sunlight  
And at last can grant a name  
To a buried and a burning flame  
As love and its decisive pain  
Oh, my sunlight, sunlight, sunlight

All that was shown to me, sunlight  
Was somethin' foreknown to me, sunlight, oh sunlight  
Oh, your love is sunlight  
Oh, your love is sunlight  
But it is sunlight  
Oh, your love is sunlight  
Oh, your love is sunlight  
But it is sunlight, sunlight

Oh, all these colors fade for you only  
Hold me, carry me slowly, my sunlight  
Oh, all these colors fade for you only  
Hold me, carry me slowly, my sunlight

Each day, you'd rise with me  
Know that I would gladly be  
The Icarus to your certainty  
Oh, my sunlight, sunlight, sunlight  
Strap the wing to me  
Death trap clad happily  
With wax melted, I’d meet the sea  
Under sunlight, sunlight, sunlight

Oh, your love is sunlight  
Oh, your love is sunlight  
But it is sunlight  
Oh, your love is sunlight  
Oh, your love is sunlight  
But it is sunlight  
Oh, your love is sunlight  
Oh, your love is sunlight  
But it is sunlight  
Oh, your love is sunlight  
Oh, your love is sunlight  
But it is sunlight


	2. When The Moon Rises To Meet The Stars - Movement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Book 1 - Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 90% of Moon was Hozier, and I apologize for nothing. The man is a beautiful fae muse.

Song: "Movement"  
Artist: Hozier  
Video link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCQ1N008MsE

_“I don’t want gentle, you idiot. I want you.” And just like that, the fragile thread holding his tattered self control snapped, and he was free._

Lyrics:  
I still watch you when you're groovin'  
As if through water from the bottom of a pool  
You're movin' without movin'  
And when you move, I'm moved  
You are a call to motion  
There, all of you a verb in perfect view  
Like Jonah on the ocean  
When you move, I'm moved

When you move  
I'm put to mind of all that I wanna be  
When you move  
I could never define all that you are to me

So move me, baby  
Shake like the bough of a willow tree  
You do it naturally  
Move me, baby

You are the rite of movement  
Its reasonin' made lucid and cool  
I know it's no improvement  
When you move, I move  
You're S. Polunin leapin'  
Or Fred Astaire in sequence  
Honey, you, you're Atlas in his sleepin'  
And when you move, I'm moved

When you move  
I can recall somethin' that's gone from me  
When you move  
Honey, I'm put in awe of somethin' so flawed and free

So move me, baby  
Shake like the bough of a willow tree  
You do it naturally  
Move me, baby  
So move me, baby  
Like you've nothin' left to prove  
And nothin' to lose  
Move me, baby

Ooh, ooh, ooh  
Oh baby, oh baby  
Move like grey skies  
Move like a bird of paradise  
Move like an odd sight come out at night

Move me, baby  
Shake like the bough of a willow tree  
You do it naturally  
Move me, baby  
So move me, baby  
Like you've nothin' left to lose  
And nothin' to prove  
Move me, baby  
So move me, baby  
Shake like the bough of a willow tree  
You do it naturally  
Move me, baby


	3. When The Moon Rises To Meet The Stars - Dinner and Diatribes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Book 1 - Chapter 3

Song: Dinner and Diatribes  
Artist: Hozier  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iq5gesj6kmw

_“Lily?”_

_“We’re still silenced, right?”_

_“Of course.”_

_“I want you to touch me.”_

Lyrics:  
Honey, this club here is stuck up  
Dinner and diatribes  
I knew well from our first hookup  
The look of mischief in your eyes  
Your friends are a fate that befell me  
Hell is the talking type  
I'd suffer Hell if you’d tell me  
What you'd do to me tonight

Tell me  
Tell me  
Tell me, ah

That's the kind of love  
I’ve been dreaming of  
That's the kind of love  
I've been dreaming of

Honey, I laugh when it sinks in  
A pillar I am, upright  
Scarcely can speak for my thinking  
What you'd do to me tonight  
Now that the evening is slowing  
Now that the end's in sight  
Honey, it's easier knowing what you'd do to me tonight

Tell me  
Tell me  
Tell your man

That's the kind of love  
I’ve been dreaming of  
That’s the kind of love  
I've been dreaming of

Oh, let there be hotel complaints and grievances raised  
And that kind of love  
Oh, let there be damage ensued and tabloid news  
And that kind of love  
That's the kind of love  
I've been dreaming of  
Ah, oh-oh-oh, ah

That's the kind of love  
I've been dreaming of  
And that's the kind of love  
I've been dreaming of


	4. When The Moon Rises To Meet The Stars - All Through The Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ar Hyd Y Nos = All Through The Night. It's an old Welsh song.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tune for Ar Hyd Y Nos was first recorded in 1784; the most commonly sung Welsh lyrics were written by John Ceiriog Hughes nearly a century later, and it's been translated into several languages.
> 
> It's kind of up for debate whether this is a folk song, a hymn, or a Christmas carol; I think it's subjective, but for the purposes of the story it's something that Hope Lupin sang to her son because it's comforting.
> 
> I chose the Welsh version and its translation here because, frankly, I think that the song should be presented in as close to its original format as we can muster.

Song: Ar Hyd Y Nos (All Through the Night)  
Traditional Welsh Tune, Lyrics by John Ceiriog Hughes, Performed by Meinir Gwilym.  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_lQfXe9mQU

_It was much like he was; beautiful and melancholy, and somehow... inexplicably… full of hope._

Lyrics (with translation):

Holl amrantau’r sêr ddywedant  
(All the stars' twinkles say)  
Ar hyd y nos  
(All through the night)  
"Dyma’r ffordd i fro gogoniant"  
("This is the way to the realm of glory,")  
Ar hyd y nos  
(All through the night)  
Golau arall yw tywyllwch  
(Other light is darkness)  
I arddangos gwir brydferthwch  
(To show true beauty)  
Teulu'r nefoedd mean tawelwch  
(The Heavenly family in peace)  
Ar hyd y nos  
(All through the night)  
Hyd y nos  
(Through the night)  
O mor siriol, gwena seren  
(O, how cheerful smiles the star,)  
Ar hyd y nos  
(All through the night)  
I oleuo’i chwaer ddaearen  
(To light its earthly sister)  
Ar hyd y nos  
(All through the night)  
Nos yw henaint pan ddaw cystudd  
(Old age is night when affliction comes)  
Ond i harddu dyn a’i hwyrddydd  
(But to beautify man in his late days)  
Rhown ein golau gwan i’n gilydd  
(We'll put our weak light together)  
Ar hyd y nos  
(All through the night)  
Hyd y nos  
(Through the night)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Night sky references will get me with these two every single time.


	5. When The Moon Rises To Meet The Stars - Habit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Book 1 - Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song - like the chapter itself - is a bit of an oddball on the playlist. It could be considered to be from either James' or Remus' POV; purposely left ambiguous.

Song: Habit  
Artist: Still Woozy  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zb_LxDnGxcI

_“Were you ever planning on telling me you'd slept with Lily?”_

Lyrics:

I could let you have it  
You could be my habit  
You could be my woman, right  
I don't want you havin'  
Anytime I know  
You're living in a hole  
Anytime I know  
I could let you have it  
You could be my habit  
You could be my woman, right  
I don't want you havin'  
Anytime I know  
Living in your head  
There's a backdoor

My little one  
She is so bad  
Bad as the sun  
Well she break me then I fall  
I don't know the half of it anymore  
Yeah well, I could give a fuck about you  
She can get whatever she need  
Every time that she looked at me  
You know I felt weak in my knees  
Wanna try to be fancy, love you know  
I could give a fuck about you  
You know that I do my girl  
Feel it when you're coming close  
You always hit on the nose but  
Never know how you could know but  
Treat me like one  
Treat me treat me like a  
I don't know the half  
Why would you w-want her (Why?)  
Treat me like the queen  
Slap your knees  
Like you been laughing

I could let you have it  
You could be my habit  
You could be my woman, right  
I don't want you havin'  
Anytime I know  
You're living in a hole  
Anytime I know  
I could let you have it  
You could be my habit  
You could be my woman, right  
I don't want you havin'  
Anytime I know  
Living in your head  
There's a backdoor

I could be yours if you wanted  
I could be yours if you wanted  
Please, please tell me


	6. When The Moon Rises To Meet The Stars - In the Woods Somewhere (pt1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Book 1 - Chapter 6 - Song 1 of 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was long, by my standards, and also had A LOT going on, so there were 3 songs total that made up "a whole ass mood" and 1 that was referenced.
> 
> Not gonna lie, all of this winds up being for bb bi-disaster James.

Song: In the Woods Somewhere  
Artist: Hozier  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMk-Nb_viR8

_James felt a shiver race up his spine, and Remus glanced at him, quirking a brow at him curiously, and fuck if this wasn’t starting to evolve from an idle curiosity to something entirely unplanned._

Lyrics:

My head was warm  
My skin was soaked  
I called your name 'til the fever broke  
When I awoke  
The moon still hung  
The night so black  
That the darkness hums

I raised myself  
My legs were weak  
I prayed my mind be good to me  
An awful noise filled the air  
I heard a scream  
In the woods somewhere  
Ooh, ooh

A woman's voice  
I quickly ran into the trees  
With empty hands  
A fox it was  
He shook afraid  
I spoke no words  
No sound he made

His bone exposed  
His hind was lame  
I raised a stone to end his pain  
What caused the wound?  
How large the teeth?  
I saw new eyes were watching me  
Ooh, ooh

The creature lunged  
I turned and ran  
To save a life I didn't have  
Dear, in the chase  
There as I flew  
Forgot all prayers  
Of joining you

I clutched my life and wished it kept  
My dearest love  
I'm not done yet  
How many years  
I know I'll bear  
I found something  
In the woods somewhere  
Ooh, ooh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It can be really terrifying when you first realize the enormity of your own feelings.


	7. When The Moon Rises To Meet The Stars - In the Woods Somewhere (pt2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Book 1 - Chapter 6 - Song 2 of 4

Song: Moment's Silence (Common Tongue)  
Artist: Hozier  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HcBvm0O-UU

_James felt a certain kinship with her in that moment, as his eyes drifted closed to the sound of her sighs._

Lyrics:

When stunted hand earns place with man by mere monstrosity  
Alarms are struck and shore is shook by sheer atrocity  
A cure I know that soothes the soul, does so impossibly  
A moment's silence when my baby puts her mouth on

Me and my babe relax and catch the manic rhapsody  
All reason flown, as God looks on in abject apathy  
A squall, and all of me is a prayer in perfect piety  
A moment's silence when my baby puts her mouth on me

When the meaning is gone  
There is clarity  
And the reason comes on the common tongue of your loving me

And it's easy done  
Our little remedy  
And the reason comes on the common tongue of your loving me

What yields the need for those who lead us oh so morally  
Those that would view the same we do through their deformity  
Who view the deed as power's creed, as pure authority  
This moment's silence when my baby puts her mouth on me

Since it all begun  
To it's reckoning  
There the reason comes on the common tongue of your loving me

Be thankful some know it lovingly  
There the reason comes in the common tongue of your loving me

Like a heathen clung to the homily  
Let the reason come on the common tongue of your loving me

So summon on the pearl rosary  
Let the reason come on the common tongue of your loving me


	8. When The Moon Rises To Meet The Stars - In the Woods Somewhere (pt3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Book 1 - Chapter 6 - Song 3 of 4

Song: That Unwanted Animal  
Artist: The Amazing Devil  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzHtfnCDASA

_He didn't know whose hands were whose, didn't care, just keep fucking touching me, lips finding lips finding any spare inch of skin he could sink his teeth into._

Lyrics:

There’s a second wind coming  
As we lie here in our bed  
It rattles the bones of our fathers  
Carries whispers from the dead  
And you, you light a candle  
And I make sure the bairns are fed

You turn the telly on  
To drown out your fear  
You make the bed up silent on the floor  
So no-one will hear us  
You try so loud to love me  
I cannot seem to hear

'Cause you, you touch  
My skin peels off like paint  
But beneath all of our panting  
There’s this noise I cannot shake  
('Cause you you touch my pain  
All our panting shame)

Can’t you hear that scratching?  
There’s something at the door  
But the wind has picked us up now  
We’re hanging in the air  
And as you grip me like an animal  
That you’re about to spear  
‘Be good to me,’ I whisper  
And you say ‘What?’  
And I say ‘Nothing dear’

Can’t you hear it?  
It can hear you  
It wants me to  
Throw the plate at the wall

I’m the paper cut that kills you  
I’m the priest that you ignored  
I’m the touch you crave, I’m the plans that you made, but fuck all your plans I’m bored  
And can’t you hear that scratching?  
I ask your eyes

I’ve got knuckle burn from typing all these lines into your chest  
And as the belt from your buckle is tightening I make shipwrecks out of my dress  
And the door below it splinters  
And the creature creeps inside

And we fall into each other  
The scratching grows so loud  
Because that unwanted animal  
Wants nothing more than to get out  
And I scream  
‘What’s the time Mr Wolf?’  
But you, you’re blind, you bleat, you bear your claws

And you rip my ribcage open  
And devour what’s truly yours  
And our screaming joins in unison  
I cry out to the lord  
'Cause if we join our hands in prayer enough  
To God I imagine it all starts to sound like applause

Can’t you hear it?  
It can hear you  
It wants me to…

And those plates they smash like waves  
(Place your hand in mine)  
And on the wind it howls  
(How long can this last?)  
But that second wind is coming love, it’s coming for all we own  
And on the creature scratches, it doesn’t know how to get out (Let me out)  
And you, you follow philosophies  
But me, I laugh I choke  
‘Well hello, my hollow Holofernes’  
I wink but you don’t get the joke  
‘Hold the hand of the god-child’ they said  
‘As he falls from the sky'  
'Be good to me' I beg of him  
'Be good to me' I beg of him  
Be good, be good, be good, be good, be good, be good, be good  
And he replies…

‘No no, not I.’


	9. When The Moon Rises To Meet The Stars - In the Woods Somewhere (pt4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Book 1 - Chapter 6 - Song 4 of 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius sings in the shower. Poorly.

Song: Submission  
Artist: The Sex Pistols  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T75th02zibg

_Before too long, Sirius was scream-singing Sex Pistols to Remus in the shower (“Under the water, in the sea! Octopus rock! Get it Remus? Octopus Rock? Cuz there’s four of us and--” “Yes, Sirius, I get it, now come here and let me get your hair, you bellend.”) and Lily was washing his back, fussing over the scratch marks she had left._

Lyrics:

I'm on a submarine mission for you baby  
I feel the way you were going  
I picked you up on my tv screen  
I feel your undercurrent flowing

Submission going down down  
Dragging me down submission  
I can't tell ya what I've found

You've got me pretty deep baby  
I can't figure out your watery love  
I gotta solve your mystery  
You're sitting it out in heaven above

Submission going down down  
Dragging me down submission  
I can't tell you what I've found  
For there's a mystery  
Under the sea in the water  
Come and share it

Submission going down down  
Dragging me down submission  
I can't tell ya what I've found  
'Cause it's a secret  
Under the water in the sea  
Octopus Rock

Got me pretty deep baby  
I can't figure out your watery love  
I gotta solve your mystery  
You're sitting it out in heaven above

Submission going down down  
Dragging me down submission  
I can't tell ya what I've found

Submission Submission  
Going down down under the sea  
I wanna drown drown under the water  
Going down down under the sea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's an easter egg: the logo used on this video is the same one on a shirt Remus lends Sirius in a fic I'm writing for this universe that takes place just after Prisoner of Azkaban.


	10. When The Moon Rises To Meet The Stars - Notion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Book 1 - Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of the time of this being posted, this chapter is unfinished. But this still needed to be included.

Song: Notion  
Artist: Tash Sultana  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbAuwBvOGNU

_"What the hell do you two need to get married for, anyway? Everything was fine as it was, wasn't it?"_

Lyrics: 

I hear the birds when they're singing  
I hear the sirens when they're ringing  
But I can't take my mind off of you  
A thousand words pour out of my mouth  
Distance over depth is proven unannounced  
Is it real? Cause I don't feel alright

I got this notion  
In the deepest ocean  
Calling out my name  
Screaming out in vain  
Singing hallelujah

Tell your mother she don't understand  
Tell your mother she's not listening  
Why don't you tie my heart with chains made of string  
I rolled the dice  
You sealed the deal  
That don't matter  
This pain is real  
I won't follow you  
Into the dark

I got this notion  
In the deepest ocean  
Calling out my name  
Screaming out in vain  
Singing hallelujah  
These notions  
Hmm, in the deepest as ocean  
Calling out my name  
Screaming out in vain  
Singing hallelujah

Singing hallelujah to you  
Calling out my name  
I'm in the deepest ocean  
Calling out my name  
Singing hallelujah to you


	11. Between the Works - Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1979 - Dishwasher singalongs in the London flat.

Song: Sixteen  
Artist: Buzzcocks  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbtFe6VpMJ8

_"Come on mon loup, you love this song!" Sirius hooked him around the waist, pulling him up to the sink and forcing him to sway along with him._

_"Careful-- you're getting soap all over--"_

_"Stop being a wet blanket and sing with me!"_

Lyrics:

You know, I don't like dancin'  
And I don't like to bop  
Too much movement's exertion  
Makes me wish I could drop  
Dr-drop, dr-drop, dr-drop, drop

And I don't like French kissin'  
'cause you swallow my tongue  
And you think that you're oh-so-very old  
You only want me 'cause you think I'm so young  
Yo-young, yo-young, yo-young, young

Alright, okay, no way

And I wish I was 16 again  
Then things would be such fun  
All the things I'd do would be the same  
But they're much more fun than when you're 21  
1, 1, 1, 1

Alright, okay, no way

And I hate modern music  
Disco, boogie, pop  
They go on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on  
How I wish they would stop


	12. Between the Works - Sleeping in a Car

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1980 - Remus starts infiltrating the packs.

Song: Sleeping in a Car  
Artist: The Staves  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iR4yBOYp98U

_“Do not patronize me. Of course I have compassion for them. Unlike you, I’ve lived among them. Hunted with them. I could have easily been them. But you may as well shove a bloody Labrador in with them, and you’d get the same results, because I am not like them, and they know it.”_

Lyrics:

Sleeping in a car  
Living out a case  
Putting on a face  
Sneaking out at night  
I'll call it on the phone  
Tell you I'm alright  
But I'm not  
And I'm alone

Know I love you  
All I can  
Know I love you  
All I can

Sleeping in a car  
Living out a case  
I want to see your face  
Hold on now  
I'll have one more smoke  
Hanging out the window  
Before I go

Know I love you  
All I can  
Know I love you  
All I can

I feel it again  
It's bigger than us  
It takes me again  
And its never enough  
Slipping out of time and singing  
Like a silver knife inside you  
Never, never enough

Know I love you  
All I can  
Know I love you  
All I can

Slipping out of time and singing like a silver knife  
I love you


	13. Between the Works - Shrike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1980 - Sirius' missions are starting to take their toll.

Song: Shrike  
Artist: Hozier  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWLqdAJbu0A

_..."Do you want that all on your conscience? That blood on your hands? Because it didn't sit with James, and I used to think it sat with me, but I know better now."_

_Remus was staring down at his lap, lips pressed into a thin, tight line._

_"That's why you started acting strangely, isn't it? Wasn't just the brooding. You were hurting and you thought you couldn't talk to me.”_

_“I didn’t want to burden you with it.”_

Lyrics: 

I couldn't utter my love when it counted  
Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now  
And I couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted  
Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now

The words hung above  
But never would form  
Like a cry at the final breath that is drawn  
Remember me love when I'm reborn  
As the shrike to your sharp  
And glorious thorn

And I had no idea on what ground I was founded  
All of that goodness is going with you now  
Then when I met you, my virtues uncounted  
All of my goodness is going with you now

Dragging along  
Following your form  
Hung like the pelt of some prey you had worn  
Remember me love when I'm reborn  
As the shrike to your sharp  
And glorious thorn

I fled to the city with so much discounted  
Ah, but I'm flying like a bird to you now  
Back to the hedgerows where bodies are mounted  
Ah, but I'm flying like a bird to you now

I was housed by your warmth  
But I was transformed  
By your grounded and giving  
And darkening scorn  
Remember me love when I'm reborn  
As the shrike to your sharp  
And glorious thorn


	14. Between the Works - Why Is It Always This Way?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Early 1981 - Losing Hope.

Song: Why Is It Always This Way?  
Artist: The Ramones  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_6_4qftrb4

_"I know. And I wish I would have told her I loved you before we buried her." He looked up at Sirius, eyes wide as dinner plates. "I buried my mam today."_

Lyrics:

Hey, hey, hey, why is it always this way?  
Hey, hey, hey, why is it always this way?

Last time I saw her alive  
She was wavin', wavin' bye bye  
She was contemplating suicide  
Now she's lying in a bottle of Formaldehyde  
And oh, I just don't know  
Why I can't let her go  
Oh, I just don't know

Hey, hey, hey, why is it always this way?  
Hey, hey, hey, why is it always this way?

Last time I saw her  
She was going to the wash and dry  
She was outside hitchin' a ride  
Now she's lying in a bottle of Formaldehyde  
And oh, I just don't know  
Why I can't let her go  
Oh, I just don't know

Hey, hey, hey, why is it always this way?  
Hey, hey, hey, why is it always this way?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a disclaimer, this song was chosen literally just because it was the last song on the album and the sad-drunk scene in question takes place just after it finishes -- I realized after the fact that it was a song about a woman dying, so now it just sounds awfully morbid. Which is par for the course with these two I suppose.


	15. Between the Works - Dirt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1981 - Miscommunications lead to tensions lead to rowing... and eventually, distrust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is when we start getting into some REALLY gritty songs, folks. Hold onto your butts.

Song: Dirt  
Artist: Alice in Chains  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfmatjm2NdU

_"We always did know the best ways to tear each other apart."_

Lyrics:

I have never felt such frustration  
Or lack of self control  
I want you to kill me  
And dig me under, I wanna live no more

One who doesn't care is one who shouldn't be  
I've tried to hide myself from what is wrong for me  
For me

I want to taste dirty, a stinging pistol  
In my mouth, on my tongue  
I want you to scrape me from the walls  
And go crazy like you've made me

One who doesn't care is one who shouldn't be  
I've tried to hide myself from what is wrong for me  
For me

You, you are so special  
You have the talent to make me feel like dirt  
And you, you use your talent to dig me under  
And cover me with dirt

One who doesn't care is one who shouldn't be  
I've tried to hide myself from what is wrong for me


	16. Between the Works - Epitaph

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> October 1981 - The last supper.

Song: Epitaph  
Artist: King Crimson  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKEzlpE4dWE

_Remus felt strange sitting at the table -- at this table -- across from Sirius, eating a meal with him for the first time since they had sat on the floor of their flat, sharing a spliff and the sorriest fish and chips he’d ever had._

Lyrics:

The wall on which the prophets wrote  
Is cracking at the seams  
Upon the instruments of death  
The sunlight brightly gleams  
When every man is torn apart  
With nightmares and with dreams  
Will no one lay the laurel wreath  
When silence drowns the screams

Confusion will be my epitaph  
As I crawl a cracked and broken path  
If we make it we can all sit back and laugh  
But I fear tomorrow I'll be crying  
Yes I fear tomorrow I'll be crying  
Yes I fear tomorrow I'll be crying

Between the iron gates of fate  
The seeds of time were sown  
And watered by the deeds of those  
Who know and who are known  
Knowledge is a deadly friend  
If no one sets the rules  
The fate of all mankind I see  
Is in the hands of fools

The wall on which the prophets wrote  
Is cracking at the seams  
Upon the instruments of death  
The sunlight brightly gleams  
When every man is torn apart  
With nightmares and with dreams  
Will no one lay the laurel wreath  
When silence drowns the screams

Confusion will be my epitaph  
As I crawl a cracked and broken path  
If we make it we can all sit back and laugh  
But I fear tomorrow I'll be crying  
Yes I fear tomorrow I'll be crying  
Yes I fear tomorrow I'll be crying  
Crying  
Crying  
Yes I fear tomorrow I'll be crying  
Yes I fear tomorrow I'll be crying  
Yes I fear tomorrow I'll be crying  
Crying


	17. Between the Works - Mouth of Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> October 1981 - Remus storms out. Everything goes to shit.

Song: Mouth of Ghosts  
Artist: Dillinger Escape Plan  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-GbyvP5aFo

_\--fine! If that's how you want it to be, then... fine! -- Doesn't matter what I want, does it? It's how it is! Now go on, leave! It's what you do best, after all! -- FUCK YOU! -- GET OUT!_

Lyrics:

Our trust runs out tonight  
Everything we said dissolves  
And now we say our last goodbye  
Nothing to resolve

I never imagined you'd turn into this  
But then the end was always close  
We could feel it all along

Don't you know where  
We could hide all the lies

Don't you know where  
Don't you know

You were a mouth without a heart  
An action without meaning  
And you walk afraid  
And you walk afraid  
Reaching for the hands that turned closed  
Reaching for the hands that turned closed


	18. Between the Works - One of Us is the Killer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween 1981. Sirius goes after Peter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Line is from Chapter 19 of Prisoner of Azkaban

Song: One of Us is the Killer  
Artist: Dillinger Escape Plan  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgcUiM7queQ

_"I set out for your parents' house straight away. And when I saw their house, destroyed, and their bodies... I realized what Peter must've done... what I'd done..."_

Lyrics:

She moves abstract just  
Like a shadow dancing on the edge  
Like a storm cloud passing overhead  
Effortless and free  
As the hours rush by  
Through her I can sense the end of time  
There’s no way this can forever shine  
Make the sun not rise

In the air we tried to be  
But you shot your arrow through me  
Now one of us must die  
But the killer won’t survive

She moves abstract just  
Like a shadow dancing on the edge  
Like a storm cloud passing overhead  
Hypnotizing me  
As the hours rush by  
Through her I can sense the end of time  
Stretch into eternity divine  
And the sun won't rise

In the air we tried to be  
But you shot your arrow through me  
Now one of us must die  
But the killer won’t survive

And the killer won't survive


	19. Between the Works - Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post-Halloween 1981 - Peter escapes. Sirius has a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Line from Chapter 10 of Prisoner of Azkaban.

Song: Again  
Artist: Alice in Chains  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGoPC3QpBTQ

_"They say he was sobbing, 'Lily and James, Sirius! How could you?' And then he went for his wand. Well, course, Black was quicker. Blew Pettigrew to smithereens..."_

Lyrics:

Hey, let them do it again, yeah  
Hey, you said you were my friend  
Hey, turn me upside down, oh  
Hey, feeling so down  
Hey, hey... hey... hey...

You made a fool of me again  
And again, and again, and again, and again  
And again, and again, and again, and again

Hey, I know I made the same mistake, yeah  
I, I won't do it again, no  
Why, why you slap me in the face, ow  
I, I didn't say it was okay, no  
No, no...

You violate a part of me again  
And again, and again, and again, and again  
And again, and again, and again

Hey, you had time to think it out, yeah  
Hey, your weak will won't help her heal her heart  
Hey, I'll bet it really eats you up, huh?

Extending part of me again  
And again, and again, and again, and again


	20. Ten - Garden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Book 2, Memory - November 1981 - Remus has no more friends left to visit, only gravesides.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING** : Ten, if you didn't read it, deals with Remus' downward spiral (and later, recovery) after the first war. This grouping of songs deals with heavy subjects such as suicide, drug addiction, and recovery. If you find yourself particularly sensitive to those subjects, skip the rest of the songs under this story heading.

Song: Garden  
Artist: Pearl Jam  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxyRObLtYCk

_“James and Lily were dead, you had for all intents and purposes vanished, and I thought Sirius had murdered Peter and betrayed us all. Everyone I loved was just… gone, practically overnight.”_

Lyrics:

The direction of the eye  
So misleading  
The defection of the soul  
Nauseously quick  
I don't question  
Our existence  
I just question  
Our modern needs

I will walk, with my hands bound  
I will walk, with my face blood  
I will walk, with my shadow flag  
Into your garden  
Garden of stone

After all is done  
And we're still alone  
I won't be taken  
Yet I'll go

With my hands bound  
I will walk, with my face blood  
I will walk, with my shadow flag  
Into your garden  
Garden of stone

I don't show  
I don't share  
I don't need  
What you have to give, yeah

I will walk, with my hands bound  
I will walk, with my face blood  
I will walk, with my shadow flag  
Into your garden  
Garden of  
I will walk, with my hands bound  
I will walk, into your garden  
Garden of stone

I don't know  
I don't care  
I don't need you for me to live


	21. Ten - Only Dying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Book 2, Memory - November to December 1981

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously. I have several songs on this list that cover the worst part of his life. It's heavy. Like a collapsing star kind of heavy. You've been warned.

Song: Only Dying  
Artist: Stone Temple Pilots  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gv0CzdyMnVI

_"I didn’t… handle it particularly well."_

Lyrics:

My life is over  
Over since the night she died  
I sit, I sigh, I weep  
I'm dying, dying, dying in deep pain

This time it'll make a difference now  
This time it'll make a difference now  
This pain I think it only gets deep regret  
And where I'm going I don't know now

Shattered  
Somebody help me now  
My only exit is a one way out of here  
I've been shattered   
Somebody pull me out  
I'm only dying, I'm only dying

This time it's over  
Over since the night she died  
I sit, I sigh, I weep  
I'm dying, dying, dying in deep pain

This time it'll make a difference now  
This time it'll make a difference now  
This pain I think it only gets deep regret  
And where I'm going I don't know now

Dear God  
I'll make a change for the better  
My life you can spare till tomorrow   
I know

Shattered  
Somebody help me now  
My only exit is a one way exit out of here  
Can't you see that I'm shattered  
Somebody pull me out  
I'm only dying I'm only dying


	22. Ten - Indifference

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Book 2, Memory - December 1981

Song: Indifference  
Artist: Pearl Jam  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZCMgm6Z-8M

_"I was living in a tent at the time, jumping from one temp job to another, trying to keep from being discovered while still earning enough to eat. I was mostly successful."_

Lyrics:

I will light the match this morning so I won't be alone  
Watch as she lies silent for soon night will be gone  
Oh, I will stand arms outstretched, pretend I'm free to roam  
Oh, I will make my way through one more day in hell

How much difference does it make?  
How much difference does it make?

I will hold the candle 'til it burns up my arm  
Oh, I'll keep taking punches until their will grows tired  
Oh, I will stare the sun down until my eyes go blind  
Hey, I won't change direction and I won't change my mind

How much difference does it make?  
Mmm how much difference does it make?

I'll swallow poison until I grow immune  
I will scream my lungs out 'til it fills this room

How much difference  
How much difference  
How much difference does it make?  
How much difference does it make?


	23. Ten - The Day I Tried To Live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Book 2, Memory - Christmas Eve, 1981.

Song: The Day I Tried To Live  
Artist: Soundgarden  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUhoOQdNAKQ

_"I walked in the door and he had that face on -- you know the one, where they've got bad news they don't want to give you -- so I didn't even bother clocking in. He was very apologetic, of course, but... well. Happy fucking Christmas."_

Lyrics: 

I woke the same as any other day  
Except a voice was in my head  
It said seize the day, pull the trigger, drop the blade  
And watch the rolling heads

The day I tried to live  
I stole a thousand beggar's change  
And gave it to the rich

The day I tried to win  
I dangled from the power lines  
And let the martyrs stretch yeah

Singing, one more time around  
Might do it  
One more time around  
Might make it  
One more time around  
Might do it  
One more time around  
The day I tried to live

Words you say  
Never seem to live up to the ones inside your head  
The lives we make  
Never seem to ever get us anywhere but dead

The day I tried to live  
I wallowed in the blood and mud with all the other pigs

Singing, one more time around  
Might do it  
One more time around  
Might make it  
One more time around  
Might do it  
One more time around  
The day I tried to live, live  
I tried

I woke the same as any other day  
You know I should have stayed in bed

The day I tried to win  
I wallowed in the blood and mud with all the other pigs  
And I learned that I was a liar (one more time around)  
I learned that I was a liar (one more time around)  
I learned that I was a liar (one more time around)  
I learned that I was a liar (one more time around)

Singing one more time around might do it  
One more time around might make it  
One more time around might do it  
One more time around might make it  
The day I tried to live, yeah

Just like you  
Just like you  
One more time around  
One more time around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The line included isn't from Ten, it's from an as-yet unreleased fic. He didn't mention to Harry in his retelling that he'd been fired that day.


	24. Ten - Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Book 2, Memory - Christmas Eve, 1981

Song: Black  
Artist: Pearl Jam  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3r9KWth84Y

_"I laid there on the floor with the lights off, just… screaming into the bloody carpet for what seemed like ages."_

Lyrics:

Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay  
Were laid spread out before me as her body once did  
All five horizons revolved around her soul as the earth to the sun  
Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn  
Mm, and all I taught her was everything  
Mm, I know she gave me all that she wore

And now my bitter hands chafe beneath the clouds  
Of what was everything  
Oh, the pictures have all been washed in black  
Tattooed everything

I take a walk outside, I'm surrounded by some kids at play  
I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear  
Mm, and twisted thoughts that spin 'round my head  
I'm spinning, oh, I'm spinning, how quick the sun can drop away

And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass  
Of what was everything  
All the pictures have all been washed in black  
Tattooed everything

All the love gone bad turned my world to black  
Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I'll be, yeah

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life  
I know you'll be a star in somebody else's sky, but why  
Why, why can't it be, oh, can't it be mine

Oh, why

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The studio version of this song is excellent, of course, but something in the way Ed performs it live hits different.


	25. Ten - Something In The Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Book 2, Memory - Christmas Eve, 1981

Song: Something In The Way  
Artist: Nirvana  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3Jac3gfMvw

_"I had nothing and no one, and no future.”_

Lyrics:

Underneath the bridge  
The tarp has sprung a leak  
And the animals I've trapped  
Have all become my pets  
And I'm living off of grass  
And the drippings from the ceiling  
But it's okay to eat fish  
'Cause they don't have any feelings

Something in the way  
Ummmmm  
Something in the way, yeah  
Ummmmm  
Something in the way  
Ummmmm  
Something in the way, yeah  
Ummmmm  
Something in the way  
Ummmmm  
Something in the way, yeah  
Ummmmm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With this particular song, when listening to it in the actual playlist and coming directly off of Black, it strikes an appropriately ominous tone.


	26. Ten - Locomotive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Book 2, Memory - Christmas Day, 1981

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI: This is the last song dealing directly with heavy depression and suicide.

Song: Locomotive  
Artist: Mad Season  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9lNl6Z6HCw

_"It wasn’t the end of it, of course -- the 80’s were fucking brutal. But I never did try to kill myself again… at least not on purpose."_

Lyrics:

No sleep, your countenance fallen  
Turned white as a sheet in the face of the rain grown colder  
The wildflower waltzing  
The locomotive crawling  
But on the wheels where the rust don't stain  
Your self-chosen cure is your self-chosen pain

No time to ride on the back of a beast such as suicide  
Johnny come lately  
Black lights suit you baby

Too sweet, it's there for the killing  
Lie there at your feet, but the face in the mirror's grown older  
A bell's distant ringing, the scorpion stinging  
Bells making noise, but your mind don't care  
The world's screaming in like you're not even there

Inside, inside  
To the back of a train they call suicide  
Johnny come lately  
You know the black light suits you baby

Inside, inside  
To the back of a train they call suicide  
Johnny come lately  
You know the black light suits you baby

No time to ride on the back of a beast such as suicide  
Johnny come lately  
Black lights suit you baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song is a lost track that was only released on the deluxe edition of Above in 2013. The vocalist on this track is Mark Lanegan of Screaming Trees, seeing as Mad Season vocalist Layne Staley passed away before they could finish recording for the new album.


	27. Ten - Deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Book 2, Memory - 1982.

Song: Deep  
Artist: Pearl Jam  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moGF512_csU

_"He showed me how to take it. Said it was the best painkiller he’d ever taken. Wasn’t wrong… nothing compares."_

Lyrics:

On the edge, a windowsill  
Ponders his maker, ponders his will  
To the street below, he just ain't nothing  
But he's got a great view  
And he sinks the needle deep, yeah

Oh, can't touch the bottom  
In too deep, yeah  
Uh-huh, can't touch the bottom

Oh, on the edge of a know-nothing town  
Feeling quite superior, the age had come  
To the sky above, he just ain't nothing  
But he's got a great view  
And he sinks the burning knife deep, yeah

Can't touch the bottom  
In too deep, yeah  
Uh-huh, can't touch the bottom  
In too deep

On the edge of a Christmas-clean love  
Young virgin down from heaven  
Visiting hell  
To the man above her, she just ain't nothing  
And she doesn't like the view, she doesn't like the view  
She doesn't like the view, but he sinks himself deep

Oh, can't touch the bottom  
In too deep, yeah  
Uh-huh, can't touch the bottom  
Can't touch the bottom  
Deep, yeah

Oh, the bottom  
Yeah  
Oh, the bottom  
Yeah  
Oh, the bottom  
Yeah  
Oh, the bottom  
Yeah  
Oh, the bottom  
Yeah  
Oh


	28. Ten - Hate to Feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Book 2, Memory - The 80's.

Song: Hate To Feel  
Artist: Alice In Chains  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMXwCR0-eyw

_"So I just… kept chasing the feeling of that first hit, and none of the others ever quite measured up to it, but they were close enough to keep me coming back.”_

Lyrics:

What's gone wrong, I can't see straight  
Been too long, so full of hate  
What the fuck will it take  
Drown myself in my wake  
Another shaggy D.A  
Now a dog, shake my leg  
Plastic man, paper face  
Candy heart, what a waste  
Got to change, set a date  
Eat my cake, lick my plate

Stare at me with empty eyes  
And point your words at me  
Mirror on the wall will show you  
What you're scared to see

I can see, yeah (wish I couldn't see at all)  
I can feel (wish I couldn't feel at all)  
Hate to see (wish I couldn't see at all)  
Hate to feel (wish I couldn't feel at all)

So climb walls  
Thin my blood now  
And I crawl, back to bed now

What the hell, got to rest  
Aching pain in my chest  
Lucky me, now I'm set  
Little bug for a pet  
New Orleans, got to get  
Pin cushion medicine  
Used to be curious  
Now the shit's sustenance

All this time I swore I'd never  
Be like my old man  
What the hey it's time to face  
Exactly what I am

I can see, yeah (wish I couldn't see at all)  
I can feel (wish I couldn't feel at all)  
Hate to see (wish I couldn't see at all)  
Hate to feel (wish I couldn't feel at all)

What the hell, got to rest  
Aching pain in my chest  
Lucky me, now I'm set  
Little bug for a pet  
New Orleans, got to get  
Pin cushion medicine  
Used to be curious  
Now the shit's sustenance

All this time I swore I'd never  
Be like my old man  
What the hey it's time to face  
Exactly who I am

I can see, yeah (wish I couldn't see at all)  
I can feel (wish I couldn't feel at all)  
Hate to see (wish I couldn't see at all)  
Hate to feel (wish I couldn't feel at all)

I can see, yeah (wish I couldn't see at all)  
I can feel (wish I couldn't feel at all)  
Hate to see (wish I couldn't see at all)  
Hate to feel (wish I couldn't feel at all)


	29. Ten - Swing On This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Book 2, Memory - Late 80's.

Song: Swing On This  
Artist: Alice In Chains  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uj3R2ASEMDE

_"So for about nine years, I just sort of existed like that._

Lyrics:

Mother said come home  
Father said come home  
Sisters said come home  
So my friends said come home

And I said  
Let me be, I'm alright  
Can't you see, I'm just fine  
Little skinny, okay  
I'm asleep anyway

Then I heard a voice  
Said son you have a choice  
I then slapped my face

Let me be, I'm okay  
I'm awake anyway  
It's too bright over here  
I can shift, cannot steer  
So I drive them away  
For a while, then I stay  
Little skinny, okay  
I'm awake anyway

Now I have to go home  
Do as, when in Rome

Let me be, I'm alright  
Can't you see I'm just fine  
Little skinny, okay  
I'm asleep anyway  
Let me be, I'm okay  
I'm awake anyway


	30. Ten - Rhinoceros

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Book 2, Memory - June 1991

Song: Rhinoceros  
Artist: Smashing Pumpkins  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFCImYKlSeM

_“It doesn’t sound like you had it in you to fight for me right then.” He looked up sharply, seeing Harry seeing him, understanding completely. Harry shrugged at him. “I’m not angry. You had to fight for you first.”_

Lyrics:

Planned a show  
Trees and balloons  
Ice cream snow  
See you in June

Could have known  
I would reveal  
Should have known  
I would conceal your way

She knows, she knows, she knows  
She knows, she knows, she knows  
How's it  
She knows, she knows, she knows

Colors show  
After the moon  
I should go  
See you in June  
Your way

Open your eyes  
To these must I lie?


	31. Ten - Sometimes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Book 2, Memories - June 1991

Song: Sometimes  
Artist: Pearl Jam  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3QprJjmCZY

_“So, I told him: I needed to get my arse straightened out for my kid, because he was all I had left. And I needed to be there for him.”_

Lyrics:

Large fingers pushin' paint...  
You're God and you got big hands...  
The colors blend...  
The challenges you give man...  
Seek my part...devote myself...  
My small self...like a book amongst the many on a shelf...  
Sometimes I know sometimes I rise  
Sometimes I fall sometimes I don't  
Sometimes I cringe sometimes I live  
Sometimes I walk sometimes I kneel  
Sometimes I speak of nothing at all...  
Sometimes I reach to myself, hear God...


	32. Ten - Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Book 2, Memories - June 1991

Song: Release  
Artist: Pearl Jam  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i06UL-8AMi4

_"Set wards up against myself while I still could, and settled in for what was going to be a very, very uncomfortable time.”_

I see the world  
Feel the chill  
Which way to go  
Windowsill  
I see the words  
On a rocking horse of time  
I see the birds in the rain

Oh dear dad  
Can you see me now  
I am myself  
Like you somehow  
I'll ride the wave  
Where it takes me  
I'll hold the pain  
Release me

Oh dear dad  
Can you see me now  
I am myself  
Like you somehow  
I'll wait up in the dark  
For you to speak to me  
I'll open up  
Release me  
Release me  
Release me  
Release me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another one where the live version hits better.


	33. Ten - Long Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Book 2, Memories - June 1991

Song: Long Nights  
Artist: Eddie Vedder  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ocdAFzLCrE

_"But, the positive is that I was just obstinate enough to stick it out.”_

Lyrics:

Have no fear  
For when I'm alone  
I'll be better off than I was before

I've got this light  
I'll be around to grow  
Who I was before  
I cannot recall

Long nights allow me to feel...  
I'm falling...I am falling  
The lights go out  
Let me feel  
I'm falling  
I am falling safely to the ground  
Ah...

I'll take this soul that's inside me now  
Like a brand new friend  
I'll forever know

I've got this light  
And the will to show  
I will always be better than before

Long nights allow me to feel...  
I'm falling...I am falling  
The lights go out  
Let me feel  
I'm falling  
I am falling safely to the ground


	34. Ten - I Am Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Book 2, Memories - 1993

Song: I Am Mine  
Artist: Pearl Jam  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Js2_RrSO1MU

_“Anyway, I was supposed to be your professor that year, and I was still sort of wrapping my mind around you. Last time I saw you, zoo incident aside, you were still chewing on your mother's hair and calling me Moo.”_

Lyrics:

The selfish, they're all standing in line  
Faithin' and hopin' to buy themselves time  
Me, I figure, as each breath goes by  
I only own my mind

North is to south what the clock is to time  
There's east and there's west and there's everywhere life  
I know I was born and I know that I'll die  
The in-between is mine  
I am mine

And the feeling gets left behind  
All the innocence, lost at one time  
Significant behind the eyes  
There's no need to hide  
We're safe tonight

The ocean is full 'cause everyone's cryin'  
The full moon is lookin' for friends at hightide  
The sorrow grows bigger when the sorrow's denied  
I only know my mind  
I am mine

And the meaning that gets left behind  
All the innocents lost in one time  
Significant, behind the eyes  
There's no need to hide  
We're safe tonight

And the feelings get left behind  
All the innocents broken with lies  
Significance between the lines  
We may need to hide...

And the meanings that get left behind  
All the innocence, lost in one time  
We're all different behind the eyes  
There's no need to hide...  
Yeah!


	35. Between the Works - Eden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1993 - Sirius escapes Azkaban

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Line from Chapter 19 of Prisoner of Azkaban

Song: Eden  
Artist: TesseracT  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wy9jvomIQ3A

_"So you see, I had to do something. I was the only one who knew Peter was still alive..."_

Lyrics:

Souvenirs sustain life  
Souvenirs of flesh and bone  
Waste them all for wealth and gain  
When the time comes you'll know

Machinery dredge the sea  
All that's left is memory  
All the time they lie to me they suffocate  
All the time they're suffering  
So when will it end?

It breaks my heart to watch  
As we rip this world we have apart

Kill for pleasure  
Seven wonders of our history  
Endless pleasure  
Satisfaction is reality  
Careful pleasure  
No protection of ancestry  
Guilty pleasure  
No

Machinery dredge the sea  
All that's left is memory  
No  
No  
No  
No

Machinery (No) bled the sea (No)  
You protect (No) this misery (No)  
Sacrifice (No)  
Sacrifice

Machinery dredge the sea  
All that's left is memory  
(Is memory)

All the time they lie to me they suffocate  
All the time they're suffering  
So when will it end?


	36. Between the Works - Map Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1993 - The Shack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Line from Chapter 19 of Prisoner of Azkaban

Song: Map Change  
Artist: Every Time I Die  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyXBhXlFJl8

_"Where is he, Sirius?"_

Lyrics:

Am I the only one that saw the sun burn out?  
The locusts keep their rhythm  
My watch is broken down  
I wake up and take on water  
Sink to the peak of despair  
What I need is a cigarette  
No more prayers

The planets unaligned  
We are saints without a shrine

A storm comes and the city's abandoned  
The ship is going down with the captain  
A storm comes and the city's abandoned  
The ship is going down with the captain

I am the man that sank Atlantis  
I am the man that sank Atlantis  
I am the man that sank Atlantis  
The bottom is not the lowest we get  
Further down still the dark's absolute  
Further down than that, it's only me and you

I assure you that hell is not a myth  
We both vacation there  
Hell is not a myth  
We spend each winter there  
No one can prepare

A storm comes and the city's abandoned  
The ship is going down with the captain  
A storm comes and the city's abandoned  
The ship is going down with the captain

I am the man that sank Atlantis  
I am the man that sank Atlantis  
I am the man that sank Atlantis  
The bottom is not the lowest we get  
I thought I knew the best part of the secret  
I thought I knew the best part of the secret  
I thought I knew the best part of the secret  
The truth is the thing we forget

The glory I had witnessed was just a sleight of hand  
These hearts cannot be salvaged  
These bones cannot withstand  
I have either been forgotten or I was never seen  
Now I'm in the negative space between

I've weighed down the earth  
Through the stars to the pavement  
I've weighed down the earth  
No use trying to save it  
I've weighed down the earth  
Through the stars to the pavement  
I've weighed down the earth  
Not sure I can take it

I've fallen out of frame  
A strangled, distant flame

Clenched in the jaws of anguish are only godless men  
Chaos is drawn to silence like life is drawn to death  
The dusk is so much clearer than the dawn had ever been  
I'm a ghost, I'm a ghost and yet I've weighed down the earth  
Through the stars to the pavement  
I've weighed down the earth  
No use trying to save it


	37. Between the Works - Toe to Toes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1993 - In which Remus Lupin has to contend with some unpleasant truths about himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Line from Chapter 17 of Prisoner of Azkaban

Song: Toe to Toes  
Artist: Mastodon  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u44bs_Cwoms

_The Professor walked to Black's side, seized his hand, pulled him to his feet so that Crookshanks fell to the floor, and embraced Black like a brother._

Lyrics:

I have seen this once before  
I have felt these colors  
I have known you for so long  
When we ran in circles

For our sake  
I will wait for you

I walk alone into the darkness  
I came toe to toe and face to face with the beast  
He knew me by my name, it was surprising  
He knew everything about me that I despised

I have seen this once before  
I have felt these colors  
I have known you for so long  
When we ran in circles

He had gold and he had silver  
He had all the women and wine that you'd ever need  
Just one thing, a prick of your finger  
Spell your name in the sand and do it with your own blood

Bitten by the fangs of circumstance  
Outward light a reflection  
We are all equal  
Underneath the slab of material  
Mutable ways of my fortune  
Bitten by my fangs

Gave me a smile, gave me a whisper  
Lay me down in linens to watch me sleep  
I played the fool  
I played the sinner  
I played the part of me that no one wanted to see


	38. Rearviewmirror - Joker And The Thief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Book 3, Chapter 1 - June 1994, Tiveden, Sweden

Song: Joker And The Thief  
Artist: Wolfmother  
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iR5RY7pnMGI

_“Thought I might find you here.”_

_The gaunt, filthy man masquerading as a pile of rags turned from the hippogriff he’d been fussing over with a start, his pale eyes wide and wild._

_“Fucking hell, Remus, make a little noise, would you?”_

Lyrics: 

I said the joker is a wanted man  
He makes his way all across the land  
I see him sifting through the sand  
So I'll tell you all the story  
'Bout the joker and the thief in the night 

He's always laughing in the midst of power  
Always living in the final hour  
There is always sweet in sour  
So we are not goin' home 

Can you see the joker flying over  
As she's standing in the field of clover  
Watching out everyday?  
I wonder what would happen if he took her away 

What you see well you might not know  
You get the feelin' comin' after the glow  
The vagabond is moving slow  
So I'll tell you all the story  
'Bout the joker and the thief in the night 

All the people that he see in the night  
Hold their dreams up to the light  
The wild beast is searching for sight  
And we are not going home 

Can you see the joker flying over  
As she's standing in the field of clover  
Watching out everyday?  
I wonder what would happen if he took her away 

I said the joker is a wanted man  
Makes his way all across the land  
See him sifting through the sand  
So I'll tell you all the story 'bout the joker and the thief  
I said, I'll tell you the story 'bout the joker and the thief  
I said, tell the story 'bout the joker and the thief in the night 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the interest of keeping things in true chronological order, this will be the last song I put up for now (even though I have 80 songs in the playlist currently -- we're starting to get into the music therapy bits) until I get through Rearviewmirror. Ten is the only fic that should be taking place in multiple sections of the playlist.
> 
> Rearviewmirror is a fic that takes place primarily over the summer of 1994, between Prisoner of Azkaban and Goblet of Fire, but will include moments up to the infamous "Lie low at Lupin's" order. I am still in the mapping process for this one, but the first chapter is at least 90% finished.
> 
> If you're curious and want to read the stories in their actual order:
> 
> When the Moon Rises to Meet the Stars  
> Rearviewmirror  
> Louder Than Love  
> Drawing Flies (what-if AU, nested in No Code)  
> Ten (nested in No Code)  
> Pray (directly after Ten)  
> No Code
> 
> All of the one-shots take place relatively early on in the No Code chronology, though No Code itself is not written in chronological order.


End file.
